Portraits of Grace: Alice

Portraits of Grace is a snapshot into the lives of the people at King’s Cross Church. As “kingdom minded, kingdom people,” we recognize God’s work in every detail of our lives. We invite you to meet the people of our church.

Photo by Minnow Park

Motherhood hit me hard after having two kids. I struggled a lot with depression and mood swings. While I love my kids immensely, I also became embittered by the constant lack of support I had and what seemed like the never-ending needs of my children. Steve’s job was another issue as he constantly worked late nights and went on extended business trips that lasted one to two weeks long. I was caring for my kids on my own most of the time and became obsessed with wanting everything done my way. Control became a huge idol for me. It put a strain in my marriage and arguments would ensue whenever something went awry. I grew impatient and exasperated with my kids. Instead of pointing my kids to Christ, I was trying to control them and have them obey me, not God.

I’ve realized over the years through many emotional mistakes and failures as a mother that holding onto my control was robbing me from the joys of motherhood, marriage, and delighting in God. As I slowly learned to relinquish control and allowed God to work in my life, I grew to enjoy motherhood with all its perfect imperfections, finding peace in the midst of life’s messiness and living in the moment. I have a deeper appreciation for my marriage with Steve as God has brought us closer together in confronting our sins head-on. I still struggle with wanting to maintain control but I am constantly encouraged by God’s love and mercy on me to find joy in letting Him lead.